Brain Sex

Yeah, you wish this was about sexual fantasies.....

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

A Little Humor for a Change

Just for pure insanity, I posted a personal in the Austin Chronicle. Think there is a babe out there for me? [understand that the "Chronicle" readership is a majority combination of left-liberals and non-theist libertarians]

Profile

Education: Deprogrammed
Ethnicity: from the Fatherland of "hops and barley"
Religion: cult member of "The Way"
Political Leanings: Theocratic Anarchist
Neighborhood: about 1000 feet AMSL somewhere on Cat Mountain
City: Austin
Occupation: assist in maintaining "The Matrix"
Have Children: None that I am aware of...
Want Children: like I "want milk?"

Habits

Smoking: Only when on fire
Drinking: When I'm thirsty
Drugs: Only in severe pain

Personality

I get around town via Plasma Coiled Rickshaw
My dietary preferences are any food that will not immediately kill me
I spend my free time doing my level best not to be first in line on the train to the concentration camps
Funniest Thing an ant scratching his balls


Deeper

If you could have a dinner party and invite any 4 people, dead or alive, who'd be coming?: Martin Luther, Friedrich Nietzche, Sir Isaac Newton, Ozzy Osborne

What is your favorite slang expression?: timugdad

What's under your bed?: a black hole [where my socks go]

Quote a line from your favorite movie.: "That tongue thing is amazing!" -- Lincoln Six Echo to Jordan Two Delta in "The Island"

Fill It

I consider myself an open-minded person, but my deal breakers are bestiality and child sacrifice

Design your ideal mate: the brain of Tesla and the body of Raquel Welch

Something I said I'd never do but did anyway was put my hand in the fire

The quickest way to my heart is plasma torch through the sternum The quickest way to my bed is down the hall and to the left And in the morning, I like my eggs cooked edible with no traces of poison

It's Sunday morning at 10 a.m. If I'm not still sleeping, I'm at work

When I die, I believe I will go to the "eternal happy snipe hunting ground"

I wouldn't be who I am if my parents did not have sex

I wouldn't sell a federal reserve note for a billion dollars.

If people are what they eat, Britney Spears is a eggplant

8 Comments:

  • At 9:15 AM, January 18, 2007, Anonymous mia said…

    If you would've invited Freud to the dinner party, I bet you'd get more takers.

     
  • At 9:05 PM, January 18, 2007, Blogger JDHazim said…

    Oh, that was genius art, huzzah to you. Perfect in every way. Marry the girl that responds for sure.

    For politics I would have put "Patriarchal Tribalism", just to make sure she understood!

     
  • At 9:05 PM, January 18, 2007, Blogger JDHazim said…

    Oh, that was genius art, huzzah to you. Perfect in every way. Marry the girl that responds for sure.

    For politics I would have put "Patriarchal Tribalism", just to make sure she understood!

     
  • At 6:03 AM, January 25, 2007, Blogger fooser77 said…

    mia

    Freud would be a sub in case Nietzche was a no-show. He definitely would be in on the second party along with C.S. Lewis, Ghengis Khan, and Alice Cooper. Well, Khan might be a bit of problem. I think I will opt for Socrates. At least we can communicate with signs, or hand gestures without one of us having a battle-axe in their hand. Besides, Socrates is a fan of one of my favorite bands -- Kansas. Come to think of it, Kerry Livgren would be great for a third party along with J.R.R. Tolkien, Hegel, and...... yeah, let's say Darwin...

     
  • At 6:05 AM, January 25, 2007, Blogger fooser77 said…

    Marry the girl that responds for sure

    If she does indeed exist...

     
  • At 8:30 AM, February 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    SEX is overrated 80% of the time,

    teasing is underrated 80% " " " ,

    you do the math...

    ask HIlliary


    just my humble opinion
    just W in the NY 'Austin'

     
  • At 8:26 PM, March 05, 2007, Blogger prettylady said…

    Dread, honey, you poor baby.

    May I offer a bit of friendly advice?

    First, get another photo. One that makes you look a bit less paranoid, insane and stuck in the 60's. The dramatic color accents are splendid, but your facial expression and hair color, not so much.

    Enlist the assistance of the wife or girlfriend of a good friend in choosing and/or taking the photo.

    Second, read 100 personal ads of women in your desired age range; read them very, very carefully. Pick 5 of them to respond to. Respond to specific aspects of the ad, which specifically intrigue you for specific reasons; ask questions and respond to the answers.

    Third, follow Pretty Lady's advice on asking ladies out. Do not take it personally if you are refused, the first 5 or 10 times; this is merely practice.

    You see, the lady you wish to marry will not approach you. You must approach her. You must approach her with deep inner confidence, and a sincere interest in her mind; you must allow her the latitude to appreciate what a wondrous gentleman you are, without subjecting her to the pressure of desperation.

    Very best wishes.

     
  • At 6:41 PM, March 08, 2007, Blogger prettylady said…

    An addendum--

    You see, Dread, you are an extremely complicated person. So complicated that at first glance, you appear overwhelming.

    The way to charm a lady is to turn that intense, complicated attention toward her. Be deeply courteous, deeply fascinated with the way her mind works, and allow her to get to know your complications gradually.

    The right woman will find this irresistible. But you must take it slowly.

     

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